If your pets could talk what would they say?

Question

Mine (cat names "Monkey") would say "Do you know where my toy mouse is? I lost it again." and "Dont you EVER spray me with that flea stuff again you @#&*& &%#$@@# !" then run away.

Answer 1

Excerpts from pet's diaries...



Excerpts From A Dog's Daily Diary

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

12:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!

4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

5:30 pm - OH BOY! MUM! MY FAVOURITE!

6:00 pm - OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVOURITE!

6:30 pm - OH BOY! SLEEPING IN MASTER'S BED! MY FAVOURITE!



Excerpts From A Cat's Daily Diary - Day 183

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair, must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort! of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

Answer 2

Mine would probably say:



Take me for another walk

Get rid of that Tony Blair and George Bush I could do a better job than both of them put together

stop spraying me with that flea stuff

not another trip to the vet

Im still hungry I want more food

Answer 3

I don't have my own pet. My friend's dog and I are tight, however. He would let me know who is in charge. He does that anyway. I like cats too. And I am thinking of getting a female kitten because I have a mouse problem.

Answer 4

mine would say thanks for homing me although I liked the greyhound rescue centre as all my friends are there I love being with you more!! I especially like lying on your bed when you have gone out and when you let me off my lead in that big field we go too, even if it look like im gonna run away!! But i gotta tell ya i would love a buddy, prefrably female so make your fella understand the needs of a dog!!

Answer 5

If my pets talkied, I'd be a bit freaked out cos all my pets died years ago. My cat would probably ask why no one told him the car was coming. The girbils would say "you shouldn't have let your dad give us to someone with cats" and the fish would probably say thanx for getting me out of that plastic bag.

Answer 6

all my pets are stupid, my guinea pig would just be like duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh i want some food duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh, my rat would be like i may be small but i am super rat (bangs head on top of cage) OUCH quaver my male cat would be like oh shut up i need rest again, crochet my female cat wouldnt talk just walk of in a huff, and then thers me snail, duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh mmmmmmmmm....... lettuce duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Answer 7

Probably. Hey mum, when i put on weight you put me on one meal a day instead of two. But you are the size of a house and you still eat three meals a day and all the rest.



Also, why do you get the comfy seat and i get the floor.



It wasn't me



Can i have a hug.

Answer 8

Mine would say ..Ain't Life Wonderful & Aren't you Glad that We allow you To Live with US ~Shelley ~& Hey by the way ..Did you ever think of getting a King size bed ..'cause you sure do take up alot of bed space ..lol

Answer 9

My cat talks to me all the time. He used to be the manager at the canning factory but he fell out with the foreman and handed in his notice.

Answer 10

My labrador already has a huge vocabulary using her eyes!

But.......

1. FEED ME NOW!!

2. I'm desperate.

3. Just let me have him, just the once -PLEEZE!

4. Aw.. You don't want me to catch that ball againnnn.

5. Leave me alone, I'm asleep.

6. WAKE UP!! I want my breakfast NOW!

7. Ugh! You're not doing THAT again?!!

Answer 11

1. How about upgrading the food around here?

2. I'll hump your leg if I feel like it- after all, you have denied me a mate my whole life.

3. Quit talking to me like a baby, I understand every word you say.

Answer 12

My hamster would keep telling me to stop catching him whenever he runs out of his cage! He's forever climbing out of his cage just like a ladder, and running off because my little sister always forgets to close the top cage trap!

Answer 13

This is a sampling of some of the things my dog would say:

"Give me one of those crunchy yummy things."

"Throw the ball, dammit."

"There's that ugly cat thing again. I wonder what it tastes like?"

"Hey, that stupid cat thing is in MY yard. Die!"

"Can I sleep on the bed tonight? I'll be really good."

"I have to poop."

"Hey, didn't I used to have testicles?"

Answer 14

"Feeed meee!"

"Is that stake you're making for me?"

"Ooo he's going to the fridge!"

"How long do I have to put this face till I get a frggin chip?"

"Oh well might as well chew on the tasetless brown niblets in my dish"



And when he's not verbalizing out loud his thought his train of thought would pretty much be:

"FOOD FOOD FOOOD... zzZZZZZzzz...huh? FOOD FOOD FOOD, KILL INSECT, FOOD FOODzzzzZZZZZzzzz"



Merlin, Cocker age 9

Answer 15

Probably they could say many interesting thing about me. I have a cat. He is my friend. I think that he would enjoy talking with me.

Answer 16

well my pittbull would say feed me.the ugly cat laying in my kennel to get the F OUT of here the ugly pussy would say shove it go and sleep in the garden.and then the birds would laugh at the dog.and then the possum would ask them all can he eat there food up .they all would say to the possum get stuffed.

Answer 17

It wud say,"thnk u 4 makin me an important part of ur life...i wish ppl ol over d world wud love animals the sem way..."

Answer 18

Offffff ... you brought me here to leave me alone the whole day jumping between rooms all alone by myself and when you come back home, you are tired to play with me but when your girlfriend arrives, you are full of energy??!!?? really, life never been fair ...

Answer 19

hey, how about feedin me a little more, and speakin of feedin...whats with these pellet things, how about throwin something nice in for a change. A rabbits gotta have variety too you know, you hairless non jumping mongrel

Answer 20

They would Probably say they would like more walks, better food and a lovely bed to rest their heads

Answer 21

our cat lucy would say: i am deeply offended that i am forced to live with you obviously inferior beings. Now, please open a can of food and leave me alone. Should i need you to perform any other chores for me, i'll let you know. All dismissed.

Answer 22

my cat is a male ginger tom called JINKS and he would probaly tell me to keep buying him spreadable cheese which he goes crazy over. ( my gf said i shouldnt feed him this crap but i cant resist his big crazy eyes and freaky noises he makes) also my cat is insane and tries to rip my eyes out when i sleep so i think it is time for him to stop sleeping on my bed lol.

Answer 23

Pleasant dog naively meeting cat for first time..



Dog (lolloping forward): Hello, I just want to be your friend.



Cat (scratching dog's nose): Ffffffffffffack off!



Dog: Boo hoo hoo hoo hoooo.

Answer 24

"Well I'm not talking to you already!" then she'd go back to sleep for an hour or so to restevate before launching into her 16(112)yr life story bones an' all!

Answer 25

Stop walking me up this road twice a day so you can see that sexy bloke with the black hair and blue eyes.

Answer 26

yeah mine would probably say oh the shame every time i called there names (ugly bug and scruff) there cats and my dog would say give me the cat give me the cat give me the cat lol

Answer 27

Give me the food. Take me for a walk. Don't hog all the bedcovers. Pamper me, NOW !

Answer 28

My cat, KitKat, would probably tell me to leave the tv on when i go out so he can watch the footie!!!!

Answer 29

My dog would say put away that pedegree chum and bring out the steak!!

Answer 30

My name is Sir Michael the second...not ooja booja boo.

Answer 31

mine would say 'make your mind up on which out fit your going to wear then get out of the house so i can have peace and quite.'

Answer 32

i'm laughing at this question cos we have an animal that does talk! all the time!.he's a male cockatiel and he's lovely,but boy can he talk...lmao,he makes several "noises" but his favourite is "what you doing" he has us in stitches

Answer 33

'STOP MATING WHEN I'M IN THE ROOM - it's gross!!!



or



'I can lick my b*lls! Nyaaah, Nyaaah, Nyaaah!'



or



'draw a triangle whose hypotenuse is 1, and legs "x" and

"(1-x^2)^2". then sin(teta)=x, cos(teta)=(1-x^2)^2. when we take derivative of sin(teta) we get cos(teta).d(teta) = dx.

then the integral has o form of

cos^2(teta)d(teta)/sin^4(teta)'

Answer 34

Animal needs. So



Mr Dog:

Gimme food!

I WANT TO MATE!

I'm hurt!

This is my territory!

Oh it's a dog's life :(

Answer 35

they do talk al the time

feed me

pat me

get that kid to stop chasing me

its time to play

I wanna go outside

I wanna come in

scratch me here..and there..and oh over there too

oh and you stink..

you look like you need help..allow me

Answer 36

"I LOVE you! - Right FEED ME" and having eaten "See Ya! I'm off to bed" A charmed life my 15 year old cat leads!



I am SOOOO Jealous!

Answer 37

Don't hog all the bedcovers. Pamper me, NOW !

Answer 38

Europe and understands at least 10 languages and if she COULD speak would speak all of 'em dog and human alike.Ispeak English French Spanish and Catalan but even after 16 yrs only a little Dog

Answer 39

A little white dog who's just retired from a long time traveling all over Europe and understands at least 10 languages and if she COULD speak would speak all of 'em dog and human alike.Ispeak English French Spanish and Catalan but even after 16 yrs only a little Dog

Answer 40

marcelline

if my pet talk would say i love you becouse i am like a princessa and would say i come with you where ever you go my pet like to jog with me like to swim like to go out with my car and stay on the srering ha ha ! ! !

Answer 41

Oi, get off the sofa and give me some food. NOW!

Answer 42

Feed me, pet me, love me... And clean out the litter box, or I will potty in your bed!

Answer 43

My cat speaks Galic - Cymru am byth - Do you know what it means?

Answer 44

Take me for a walk,and watch me lick my droopy balls,woooof.

Answer 45

Well my jack russell ,Maggie would say,"why do you have to go out & leave me here all day by myself its not nice"

Answer 46

I have a goldfish. If it could talk it would probably say I'm bored.

Answer 47

my dog wud prob say take me for a walk or tell that child to leave me alone!! haha

Answer 48

my cats are called alex and ali and they would prob say when the hell are you going to feed us and let us out!!!oh and when are you going to work (so we can wreck the house)

Answer 49

Where's my dinner, buster? Oh, yeah, you gorge on pizza, don't you, and forget my milk? What do you think I live on- air or something? Now, the milk, with the special kitty snacks, if YOU PLEASE- pronto!

Answer 50

George Bush needs shooting!

Answer 51

They'd tell me to shut up, run away, and leave 'em alone.

Answer 52

Let me live freely in the wild!!

Answer 53

Give me a break! When can I take my Holiday?

Answer 54

lol it would say stop you mother ****** *****. I dont want to take a shower. lol. Then I would kick his *** out of the house. lol

Answer 55

"Why can't I ever have the f****** chicken why don't you eat this crap and then I'll tell you not to stand by the dinner table meowing" and "Tell your friends to stop touching me"

Answer 56

my dog would give me **** for not walking him enough and he'd probably agree with me that germany is not a dog freindly country

Answer 57

my cat does talk and it says how the f*** do whiska's know what we prefer whiska's, give me what you are eating it smells much more interesting.

Answer 58

My dog used to say "I can stare at you whole day until you give me that!"

Answer 59

my cat dave would say "let me out" when he's in and "let me in" when he's out....dave is always on the wrong side of the door.

Answer 60

Dude, are you ******* stupid? This is the dumbest question I've ever heard!!



Love,

Beevin

Answer 61

They would say, pal envy us for we don't have a care in this world!

Answer 62

mine would be nagging me to go outside every five minutes.

Answer 63

My cat is dead so he doesnt say much

Answer 64

my parrot does talk to me and he says things like ,love you ,good boy,an lots more

Answer 65

My pets are dead and this would worry me if



a) they could talk

b) they were dead and could talk



Worrying thought!

Answer 66

Im glad i belong to you

Answer 67

"you are a rubbish owner, and I am leaving for drowning me the other day"

Answer 68

My dog would say 'I know I am child friendly but really....'

Answer 69

"so boring see your face everyday!"says my fish, and

"Hey, i need a wife!! so that's everyday i try to run away, but you always catch me... hate you!!" says my turtle.

Answer 70

IF MY DOG COULD TALK HE'D PROBABLY SAY WOOF ! WOOF ! HE'S FUC KI NG IGNORANT LIKE THAT. A REAL NON TRYER.

Answer 71

he'd probably say what a cute and beautiful kind owner i am to him.(LOL)

Answer 72

start brushing me! you over sized hair ball!

Answer 73

DDaaaaad, mom's mean to us when you're not around.

Answer 74

stop talking to me when you had a shitty day and no one wants to hear you go on about it....I don't care...let me sleep will you...

Answer 75

I told you not to eat that rabbit!

Answer 76

mine would cuss me out.they would be like omg stop giving me that crap for food and dont call me your little sugar muffins either you little*****!!!!!!!!

Answer 77

My dear

Welcome.My answer is how are you . Thank you .Good morining or good eveining.

Answer 78

feed me u son of a *****

Answer 79

What a moody cow you are!

Answer 80

my pet would probably say "Don't you know what the word 'sleep' means?" or "pesky humans!What do they know?!"

Answer 81

(Dog)Grrrr give me a bath or I'll bite you!

(Our Little dog)Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi...

Answer 82

cats-we love you,you're a good servant

Answer 83

Mine would say"shut the f*ck up you stupid b*tch! im so sick of your voice!!"

Answer 84

me:"hi Lily whatz ya doin?" (lily is my cat)Lily: "go away human you piss me off!" me:okay!

Answer 85

SUN OF A BEATCH

Answer 86

oh good your home, your home, your home. hug kiss kiss kiss

now feed me.

Answer 87

blip blup blup blub-blub (goldfish).

Answer 88

Not 'felix' again

Answer 89

i dont want to tgo walkies **** off!

Answer 90

Please let me out of this tank, i promise i wont eat the cat.

Answer 91

fed me

Answer 92

i'm hungry,gimme something to eat.

Answer 93

thank you mam, my tea was lovely, I love you too!

Answer 94

My cat would say "Why are you so dumb?"

Answer 95

why do you treat me this way

Answer 96

Oh **** not her again!

Answer 97

would say only the truth!!!

Answer 98

(Dog) "What?... you would lick your self all day too.. If you could."

Answer 99

GET A BONE!

Answer 100

let me free plz.

Answer 101

leave me alone

Answer 102

"stop feeding me that crap! i want what your eating!!!"

Answer 103

fetch that f$%&*"@g stick yourself

Answer 104

"I love you... Can I have some more chicken?"

Answer 105

quit feeding my this nasty as ****!

Answer 106

This dry stuff isn't up to scratch more meat please!

Answer 107

"pass some of that spliff"......

Answer 108

I GOTTA GO PEE

Answer 109

stop @!*@"!£ petting me!!

Answer 110

Thanks for being so good to me.

Answer 111

feed me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 112

please remove that lid on the fishtank (=^_^=)



more milk please ^^



I WANT SOME MORE CATNIP!! @_@

Answer 113

pass me that ketchup please...

Answer 114

@*&%^$#@#$&**&^%$#@